


Should've Said Yes

by BeStillMySlashyHeart



Series: Patrick Scott [9]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Liz POV, M/M, Multiple Pov, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-07 11:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21457390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeStillMySlashyHeart/pseuds/BeStillMySlashyHeart
Summary: Alex goes missing and his Air Force buddies come looking. When Michael gets involved, it leads to a night of revelations.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Patrick Scott [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1417255
Comments: 62
Kudos: 411





	1. Chapter 1

“Whose car is that?” Liz asked as they pulled up to Alex’s cabin. It wasn’t Alex’s (as far as she knew) but no one else would have any reason to be here. “Maria?” She craned her neck to see into the backseat. Liz had been back for a little over a year but she’d been so wrapped up in her own drama, well her’s and Max’s, that she hadn’t really had a chance to get to know anyone in Roswell again. It was possible that the car belonged to someone from in town but Maria just shook her head and shrugged.

“I don’t recognize it.” At Maria’s denial, Liz turned to Max in the driver’s seat but he just looked worried.

“Max?”

He slipped out of the car and unholstered his weapon. “Stay here. Let me make sure it’s safe.” He didn’t give any of the women in the car time to argue, he just eased his door shut and crept quietly towards the front door.

Maria leaned forward between the two seats, her phone in her hand. “What are you doing?” Liz asked, her attention stolen from Max for a second.

“I’m sending a picture of the car to Kyle,” Maria explained. “He spends more time around Alex than any of us these days, maybe he recognizes it.” She snapped a picture and sent it off just as a shout came from the cabin. Immediately, Isobel was out the door and halfway up the stairs, Liz and Maria close behind.

“Put your weapons down!” Max was yelling when they burst through the front door. He stood with his back to the fireplace, his feet set in a proper shooting stance. Liz turned to see who he was talking to and immediately took a step back into Maria when she saw three people in Alex’s kitchen, each of them with their own weapons out and pointed at Max. When they registered Liz, Isobel, and Maria’s entrance, two of them trained their weapons on them.

Liz put her hands in the air immediately and felt Maria do the same. Isobel didn’t bother, she just stared them down with a look on her face Liz was beginning to understand someone’s brain was about to get melted. “Who the hell are you?” 

“Who the hell are  _ you _ ?” One of the men opposite them returned. 

“We’re friends of the owner,” Max answered. “And I’m a Sheriff’s Deputy. And you’re breaking and entering. Now put your weapons  _ down. _ ” 

“Fuck you,  _ Deputy _ , we didn’t break and enter shit,” the same man spoke. 

“This isn’t your house,” Maria argued.

“No, we’re friends of the owner and I’ve got a damn key,” the other man, taller than the first but with no discernible features, countered. He didn’t move to produce said key. “What gives you the right to barge in here like this?”

“Who are you?” Liz asked. “If you’re friends of Alex’s, who are you?”

“Who are you?” The woman asked. “As we said, we have a right to be here and you do not.”

“I am a Sheri-” Max protested.

“I’m guessing you’re with Chaves County, yeah?” The first man asked, a mocking lilt to his voice that Liz didn’t like. “Which means this is out of your jurisdiction. You have no right to be here.”

“Look,” Maria took a half step forward but ran into Isobel’s arm. “If you’re friends of Alex’s and he gave you a key, where is he? He isn’t answering his phone.”

The three of them exchanged glances. The first guy, the one Liz was starting to think was really just an asshole, didn’t budge but the other two started to relax. “That’s what we’re here to find out. We all served with Alex and we keep in touch but none of us have heard from him in a while so we got worried.”

As soon as she mentioned they were Air Force, Liz tensed up and Maria took that half step back and then another one for good measure. They exchanged a glance, both of them clearly thinking the same thing; Jesse Manes was very likely the reason behind Alex’s disappearance and if they’d learned anything recently it was that the man had more allies than he didn’t. Anyone from the Air Force was immediately a possible threat. Especially those who show up in Alex’s cabin after he disappeared, claiming to be his friends none of them knew about. 

The sudden tension was noticed by the soldiers and the woman and the tall guy next to her immediately reacted. Any relaxation they might have displayed a moment earlier was gone. 

“I think it’s time you left,” the woman advised.

Liz shook her head. “We’re not leaving you in Alex’s cabin, alone. You leave.”

“Who the hell do you think you are giving orders?”

“We’re Alex’s friends,” Isobel asserted. Liz was surprised Isobel hadn’t done anything yet but then again, there were three of them. Even if she took down one and Max another, there would still be a third for them to deal with.

“This is going in fucking circles,” the Asshole cursed.

The woman looked at him briefly. “There is one way to resolve this. We could just call-”

“No,” Asshole objected immediately. “Absolutely not.”

“It  _ would _ clear this up real fast,” Tall Guy hedged. “We could stop pointing guns at people. I don’t know about you but I’m not really in the mood to shoot a cop, outside his jurisdiction or not.”

“We’re all civilized people here,” the woman made an eh sound but Asshole kept going, “we can work this out.”

“Great,” Max chimed in. “We can work this out by the three of you leaving this house immediately.”

“Sorry, Deputy, that’s not going to happen.” Tall Guy at least sounded like he was trying to be apologetic about it. “Now, as we’ve said, we have Alex’s permission to be here, and you’re the one breaking and entering so I suggest  _ you  _ all kindly leave. Now.” So far none of them had dropped their guns. Liz wanted to leave, the door was right there and there were far too many guns in the room for her liking, but she didn’t want to leave Max or Isobel and she knew they couldn’t leave.

“Look, I’m Liz, this is Maria and Max and Isobel,” she pointed to each of them in turn. “If you’re really friends of Alex’s, maybe you know who we are?” They all showed signs of recognition but none of them quite lowered their weapons. Not yet. “What are your names?”

Tall Guy started to answer when a car came rumbling up the drive and immediately set everyone on alert again. The car skidded to a stop on the gravel driveway and two car doors slammed one after the other. A moment later, Kyle appeared in the doorway with Michael close behind.

“What’s going on?” Kyle asked as he entered the house. “None of you are answering your p- oh shit.” He immediately took a step back when he saw the visitors (and their guns) in the kitchen. “Who the hell are you people?”

Behind him, Michael crossed the threshold and immediately rolled his eyes. “ _ Fuck you _ , Whitty,” he greeted. The woman and Tall Guy dropped their weapons but Asshole just turned and pointed his gun at Michael.

“Hey!” Max yelled, taking a step forward. Michael held a hand out to him to calm him down.

“Relax, Max, Whitty isn’t gonna shoot me.”

The woman scoffed. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” She paused a beat, her face as stoic as it had been since Liz entered the cabin, before she grinned brightly. “Hey, pretty.”

Michael laughed. “Hey beautiful.” He walked towards the kitchen and opened his arms, the woman meeting him halfway in a tight hug, Michael’s hat falling to the ground by the force of it. Michael straightened and her toes dangled off the floor. 

“Alright, put me down, asshole,” she griped unconvincingly, her smile betraying her. Michael chuckled but set her back on her feet in time to accept a hug from Tall Guy.

“Hey Johnny, long time,” Michael greeted as they separated.

Johnny bent and swiped up Michael’s hat from the floor and plopped it back on his head. “It has been,” he agreed. “And yet you’re still wearing this ratty old thing.”

Michael reared back in faux horror. “How dare you insult the hat?”

Johnny shrugged. “There are certain situations in which a cowboy hat is acceptable. All day, every day, is not it.”

By this point, Asshole, or Whitty, Liz supposed, had holstered his weapon. Unlike his companions, he didn’t move to hug Michael and Michael didn’t make any gesture of greeting, the two choosing instead to glare at each other across the room.

“Uh, Michael?” Maria stepped forward, this time not stopped by Isobel. “You know these people?”

Michael turned from his angry staring match with Whitty. “Hm? Oh yeah. The tall freak of nature over there is Johnny Walker, no I’m not kidding. The gorgeous little redhead right there is Jeri Collins. And the asshole,” he nodded to Asshole and Liz felt validated, “is Alex Whitman, Whitty for short.”

“Whitman is fine,” Whitty countered with a glare at Michael.

“Whitty,” Michael stage whispered to them. “And this is,” he held out a hand to introduce Liz and the others but Jeri cut him off.

“We’ve met.”

“Yeah I saw that. Has Air Force protocol changed? Is it now customary to introduce yourself gun first?” Michael blinked innocently.

Johnny snorted. “Alex is missing and they broke in. What were we supposed to think?”

“We told you we were looking for him!” Liz yelled. 

“Yeah, while your boyfriend held a gun on us,” Whitman replied. “Not overly reassuring that you’re really who you say you are.”

Max opened his mouth but Michael held up a hand. “Yeah, that’s enough. What are you guys doing here?”

“We haven’t heard from Alex in over two weeks.” Jeri crossed her arms and shrugged like that explained everything.

“Ah,” Michael replied, like it did. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Alex is fine.”

“What?” Maria asked. 

Michael turned to her, eyebrow raised in confusion. “Alex is fine?”

“How do you know that?” Isobel asked. “No one’s seen or heard from him in over a week.”

Michael’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“Guerin,” Kyle sighed. “When did you last talk to Alex?”

“Yesterday,” Michael answered. “He went out of town for a little while to work on that thing?” He looked at them meaningfully as if trying to impart the words ‘Project Shepherd’ directly into their brain through the sheer force of his gaze alone. “He said it was low risk but he’d be out of cell phone range while he was gone. He called yesterday to say he’ll be back in a day or two.”

Max stared at him and finally holstered his gun. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to?” Michael looked genuinely confused. He turned to the others. “If you want to stick around until Alex gets back, it shouldn’t be more than like a day.”

All three of them nodded. “We’ve got a couple of days leave,” Whitman announced. “We’re not leaving until we see him.”

“Yeah, course,” Michael agreed.

“Of course?” Liz had to ask. “Our word isn’t enough? Michael’s word isn’t enough?”

All three of them suddenly looked very angry but Michael beat them to it. “They all served with Alex on his last deployment, okay?” He explained quickly. Liz had to think about why that mattered when she remembered how Alex lost his leg. He’d been separated from his unit for three days and when they found him, the leg was unsavable. She could imagine how that would impact his unit. She nodded, unable to think of what to say.

“So,” Kyle dragged out. “Now what?”

“Now you can go,” Whitman announced. “We’ll crash here until Alex gets back but you have no reason to be here.”

Max bristled and Maria and Isobel both tensed. Liz held up a hand. “What if we go to the Crashdown or the Wild Pony?” She looked at Maria until Maria gave a reluctant shrug. “We can something to eat or drink and get to know each other? After all, we’re all friends of Alex’s, right? No reason we can’t get along.”

Jeri shrugged. “I could eat.” Next to her, Johnny perked up and nodded in agreement. 

Everyone looked to Whitman. His scowl was still firmly in place.

“Oh come on, Whitty, don’t be an ass,” Michael goaded. “Get some food, drink some beer, and pull the stick out of your ass.” Whitman took a step forward right into the arm of Johnny.

“Easy, Whitty,” Johnny soothed. “Alex will be pissed if you two go at it and you know it.”

Whitman glared at Johnny but relaxed and nodded. “Fine. Let’s go bond or some shit.”

\---

In the 23 hours (Liz counted) it took for Alex to return to Roswell, Liz learned a few key things about him and his friends:

  1. Alex and Michael had more of a relationship than anyone thought. As far as any of them had been aware (and they had a mini conference about the subject after the standoff at Alex’s cabin) Michael and Alex had had a high school fling and nothing more. They were very clearly very very wrong.
  2. Alex’s friend Whitman really did not like Michael and the feeling was not reciprocated. It was clear that Michael and Whitman had once been close friends; there were several occasions when one would make a reference to what was obviously an old joke and they’d share a look before Whitman would scowl and look away. Michael would just look sad.
  3. She was pretty sure Michael and Jeri had slept together at least once, just going off of how friendly and physically affectionate they were. But if Michael had been with Alex, Liz wasn’t sure how that had happened.
  4. Johnny Walker, despite his name, did not drink. 
  5. Liz almost could have liked the three of them, even Whitman, but it was clear the three of them held no love for any of Alex’s Roswell friends and so every interaction remained laced with tension that Liz just couldn’t overcome.
  6. They were very close with Alex. The moment Alex walked into the Wild Pony all three of them relaxed for the first time since Liz had met them and they’d all given Alex enthusiastic greetings. For his part, Alex smiled brighter than he had in months when he saw them.

“Hey,” Alex greeted their table when his other friends finally released him. “I heard there was an issue at the cabin? Michael was non-specific…”

They all exchanged glances. “You disappeared for a week, Alex,” Kyle scolded gently. “We got worried.”

Alex looked confused. “I told you I was going to check out another location from the files.”

Max leaned forward and shifted in his chair. “We got the impression that would be a day trip kind of thing,” he admitted. “When you didn’t come back and you didn’t answer your phone we got worried.”

“Um, thanks?” Alex tapped his fingers on the back of the chair in front of him. He hadn’t bothered to sit down. “I told Michael it would be a few days and there was likely no cell reception up there. I didn’t think anyone else would notice I was gone, truthfully.”

“You didn’t think we’d notice if you disappeared and stopped answering your phone?” Maria was incredulous.

Alex shrugged. “It’s not like I talk to any of you every day. I wasn’t going to be gone that long so I didn’t think about it. Sorry for worrying you.”

“And your friends?” Isobel nodded over at the pool table where Michael and Whitman were arguing about something Liz couldn’t hear and Jeri and Johnny were busy laughing at them. “Michael seems pretty friendly with them. Or with Jeri and Johnny, at least. He and Whitman don’t seem to like each other very much.”

Alex looked over at the pool table and then back to Isobel, his face creased in confusion. “Michael and Whitty get along great, what are you talking about?”

The whole table stared at him. “Whitman hates Michael? He pulled his gun on him when Michael walked into the cabin yesterday and he’s done nothing but be an ass to him since.” Alex stared at Liz.

“What?”

Liz looked at the others, just to confirm that they’d all seen the same thing she had. “Yeah, they don’t get along at all. How, uh, how do they know each other anyway? Michael didn’t really bother answering any questions after he introduced us.”

“They all served with me,” Alex answered almost absent mindedly, his focus now fix on Michael and Whitman. “We were stationed together for a few years and Michael got to know them pretty well when he visited.”

“I didn’t realize he visited you,” Isobel was brave enough to say.

“Hmm?” Alex mused, his attention still on the two men. “Yeah, depending on where I was stationed he visited pretty often. You never noticed when he left town?” Shouts erupted from the pool table and Alex cursed. “Sorry, I’m gonna-” he left without bothering to finish the sentence.

“Did you know?” Isobel turned to Max.

He shook his head. “No. I mean, we knew Michael took off sometimes, but I thought he was just going out into the desert. He used to do that when we were in high school so I just assumed…”

“How often?” Maria asked, sounding almost like she didn’t want to know. She and Michael had been dancing around each other, not quite dating but definitely something.

“I don’t know?” Isobel looked at Max. “Usually a weekend a month? Sometimes more?”

“Yeah it was usually a weekend here and there. Occasionally he’d be gone longer and there was one time he was gone for almost a month but he never mentioned where he was going.”

“Huh,” Maria sat back in her chair and threw back the last of her drink. Across the bar, Liz watched as Alex about dragged Whitman away. 

“I’m gonna use the bathroom,” Liz excused herself, ignoring Kyle’s knowing look. She hurried down the hallway Alex and Whitman had just disappeared into. It wasn’t a very big hallway and it was empty. She paused outside the men’s room but when she didn’t hear any voices she reached for the door to the back parking lot. 

Liz started to ease it open and stopped when she heard Alex’s voice.

“What the hell is going on with you and Guerin, Whitty?” He sounded confused. “You two were like best friends.” Whitman didn’t say anything. “Don’t tell me you hate him because we broke up. That’s fucked up, Whitty.” Now Alex sounded angry.

“He left you right before we deployed, Alex. What kind of asshole does that? And then afterwards? I thought he was the kind of man that would show up when you needed him but you needed him and he was nowhere. That’s not the kind of guy I want to be friends with, Alex.”

There was a sound Liz couldn’t decipher let alone identify who made it but then Alex began to speak. His voice was low, almost too low for her to hear, and Liz eased the door open another crack.

“Alright. I’m only going to say this once because as much as I love you Whitty, it’s none of your fucking business, but I don’t want to be the reason Michael loses someone else he cares about. Our break up was on me, not him. He- fuck, Whitty, he asked me to marry him and I said no. And then after the IED, he called all the time and he tried to come to the hospital, but I told him no. I didn’t want him to see me like that, okay? This whole fucked up situation between us is on  _ me _ , not Michael. So don’t treat him like shit, okay? He really doesn’t deserve it.”

Liz closed the door and fled back to the table. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting to hear, but that wasn’t it. Max asked if she was okay when she sat down but Liz brushed him off and reached for a drink. Kyle caught her eye and raised an eyebrow in question. Liz just took a large swig. His eyebrow furrowed in concern and she had to look away.

Inevitably, her eyes caught on Michael. He was laughing with Jeri while Johnny shook his head and lined up his shot. A moment later and his smile dimmed even as his eyes softened and Liz knew Alex had just walked back into the room. She’d never noticed it before but Michael had an Alex look. A special expression he never wore unless he was looking at Alex.

Whitman walked over to Michael and pulled him aside gently, Alex watching with a careful eye even as he started talking to Jeri and distracting Johnny from his next shot. Whitman and Michael bent their heads together, Whitman looking earnest. After a few words, Michael’s head shot up and he stared at Alex. A moment later and Michael was pulling Whitman into a hug. Liz looked away.

After their game was over, Alex dragged his friends back to the table and forced them to be nice. It was different than the previous night, some of the tension bled away by Alex’s presence. Kyle and Isobel grilled Jeri and Johnny for good stories about Alex while Maria sat back quietly, observing the conversation rather than participating. At one of the table, Michael and Whitman had their heads bent and were talking quietly. Alex tried to talk with Liz and Max about what he’d found on his trip but he was quickly pulled into the others’ conversation when Jeri apparently misremembered a story about Alex on his first tour. 

When Liz left much later than night, after almost everyone else because she’d offered to help Maria close up due to them staying later than any of her employees, she almost groaned out loud when she saw Alex and Michael standing in the parking lot. Behind them, Max’s tail lights started fading in the distance as he drove Isobel home.

“You told Whitty,” Michael accused lightly, his voice still loud in the quiet parking lot.

“He was being an ass.”

“So? Whitty’s always an ass. It’s part of his charm.” Michael twirled his keys around. “You didn’t want tell anyone. You said it was better if we just forgot it ever happened.”

Alex stared at Michael, his disbelief evident in every inch of his body. Liz contemplated going back inside but Maria had locked the door behind her and gone upstairs to her apartment. “I didn’t say that,” Alex protested.

Michael scoffed. “I may have been drunk at the time but I do remember that pretty vividly. You said, and I quote, let’s just pretend this night never happened. Just move on and forget all about it. End quote.” 

“Michael,” Alex sighed as he raked a hand through his hair. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Okay,” Michael agreed easily. “So what did you mean?”

“You were  _ drunk _ !” Alex yelled before letting out a breath and continuing at his previous volume. “You were drunk, Michael, and you, you fucking-” he stopped.

“I asked you to marry me,” Michael finished. “And you said no.”

The tension sapped out of Alex’s body and he sagged like a rag doll. “You were drunk, Michael,” he repeated. “You didn’t mean it.”

“Don’t you dare tell me I didn’t mean it, Alex.” Alex took a literal step back at the sudden vehemence in Michael’s voice. “You said no, that’s fine, but don’t tell me I didn’t mean it just because I’d had a few drinks that night. I’d been carrying that ring around with me for fucking months.”

Liz  _ really _ shouldn’t be here for this.

“You-” Alex stopped. “You had a ring?”

Michael laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, you never even let me show you. You just- you just said no and we should forget it.”

“I didn’t-” Alex was genuinely lost for words. “I thought-”

“You thought I was drunk,” Michael finished quietly. “You thought I didn’t mean it and so you took the opportunity to tell me what an idiot I was for thinking we could have a life together. I got the message, Alex, don’t worry.”

“Fuck you,” Alex spit out. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I didn’t say that and I sure as fuck didn’t mean it.”

“Fine,” Michael scoffed. “You know what, it doesn’t matter. It’s history at this point.”

“We were 25!” Alex yelled as Michael turned away. “We were 25 and we hadn’t lived in the same fucking state in seven years! How exactly did you think marriage was a good idea then?”

Michael hung his head and half turned back. “I thought I loved you and I wanted us to be together forever. I figured we’d work out the details later.”

“That doesn’t work for me,” Alex sounded desperate.

“I got that.”

“No, that’s not-” Alex groaned in frustration. “Working out the details later, I mean. I didn’t want to take the next step when we still spent so much time apart, Michael. I mean, Christ, your family didn’t even know about us! How would you explain it to them that you were suddenly married?”

Liz wasn’t sure if it would be better or worse for her to interrupt now. On the one hand, she shouldn’t be witnessing this, but on the other, this was clearly a conversation they needed to have and she knew if she revealed herself that one of them would leave and they’d never finish it.

“Alex,” Michael sighed and turned around fully. “Why are we talking about this? It’s over. We’re over. What’s the point?”

“The point is you think I didn’t want to marry you!” Alex’s voice echoed through the parking lot.

“You said  _ no _ ,” Michael reminded him.

“If I knew that the choice was marrying you then or never being with you again, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat, Michael,” Alex told him. “I just- I wanted more time. More time to figure ourselves out! More time to be together, to live together first, or at least live in the same state. I figured you were drunk and it was something you were thinking about, I didn’t think you were actually genuinely proposing right then and there. I thought we’d have time to fucking  _ talk _ about it.” He stopped to take a few heaving breaths. “But you were gone when I woke up and it was three years before I saw you again and now everything’s a mess and you don’t get to stand there and say there’s no point in talking about it when that is all I have wanted to do for three years!”

Michael took a step forward and Liz decided enough was enough. She reached back and shoved the door enough to make it shake a tiny bit. It was just enough to get both of their attention. Michael took a step back when he saw her. When he saw that, Alex just shook his head and headed straight for his car.

“Alex-” Michael called softly.

“Night, guys!” Liz waved and almost ran to her car. When she peeled out of the lot a minute later, Alex was right behind her and Michael was left staring after them.


	2. Chapter 2

Liz eyed the turn to the Crashdown and drove straight through the light, a careful eye on Alex’s car in her rearview mirror. She waited until they got outside the city limits and slowed to a stop in the middle of the road, Alex stopping behind her.

She turned off the car and listened as Alex did the same. Without giving herself time to second guess her decision making tonight, she threw the door open and walked back to Alex’s car as he was getting out.

“Liz?” He questioned. “What the hell? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she brushed him off. “I just- I wanted to talk to you.”

He paused. “Right now? It’s not really-”

“I got outside about 15 minutes before I jiggled the door,” she rushed out. “I- I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, I know, but it seemed like a conversation you two needed to have and I didn’t want to interrupt but then I realized I really shouldn’t be listening but then it was too late and-”

“Liz,” Alex said gently, cutting her off. “It’s fine.”

She shook her head. “It’s not okay. I shouldn’t have listened to your conversation. It was your private business and you deserved your privacy.”

“A public parking lot isn’t exactly a private place,” Alex acknowledged. “It’s fine, really.”

Liz took a deep breath. “You should go back and talk to him.”

“Liz,” there was a clear warning in Alex’s voice, one she’d never heard before. “I understand accidentally overhearing our conversation, but stay out of this. This has nothing to do with you.”

“I know that. I do. But you’re both my friends and you’re clearly hurting. I was a really crappy friend for a long time and I’m trying to do better. I’ll butt out of this, I promise. But I really do think you need to go back now to talk to him. If you let this go now, when will you finish the conversation?” She paused for Alex to say something but he kept his mouth shut. “You’ve both been avoiding talking about this for years, right? Well, as someone who knows both of you reasonably well, I think you’ll both keep on avoiding it if you don’t force yourselves to talk. You did the hard part already, the conversation’s already started. You just need to finish it.”

“It’s not that simple, Liz,” Alex sighed.

She gave him a small smile. “I didn’t say it would be. But I think it’s something you need to do.”

Alex looked away.

“You’re in love with him,” Liz realized. “I mean, I realized earlier that there was more to your relationship than I ever realized but you’re  _ still _ in love with him.

He laughed humorlessly. “Of course I am. I don’t know how not to be.”

“Alex,” Liz started. She couldn’t get any more words out so she just wrapped her arms around him. He resisted for a breath before hugging her back. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize.”

“Nothing to apologize for,” Alex told her softly. “If I’d wanted people to know, I would have said something.”

“Well, in the future, I want to know, okay? I want to know what’s going on with you.” She pulled back and glared at him before cracking into a smile. “You’ve been so distant lately, and yeah I now get why, but you don’t have to be. Not from me.”

“Thank y-” 

They both turned as the sound of a truck came closer. Alex turned as the headlights came up behind him. Liz worried for a moment that they’d need to move their cars out of the road when the truck came to a stop and shut off. 

  
Alex realized who it was before she did, his whole body tensing up before slowing relaxing. A second later, Michael stepped out from behind the wheel of his car. Liz glanced between them before reaching up and hugging Alex again. “That’s my cue.”

She waved at Michael as she hurried into her car and drove away. It would take way longer to get home this way but there was no chance she was turning around and driving past the two of them. 

\---

They listened to the sound of Liz’s car fade into the distance, neither one saying a word until the world was silent.

“What are you doing out here, Michael?” Alex asked softly. It had been a long week and he was looking forward to crashing onto his bed. The conversation in the parking lot had drained him enough, he really wasn’t in the mood for another. 

“You said you wanted to talk.”

Alex sighed. “I didn’t mean-”

“That seems to be a trend with you,” Michael pointed out. “You never mean what you say.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before squaring his shoulders and facing Michael. “Okay fine, why not now? Why’d you leave? Three years ago, you left in the middle of the night. You packed your bag and you took back every single thing you’d ever left at my place and you  _ left _ . You didn’t even leave a fucking note.”

Michael stared at him. “I proposed and you said no. Why would I stick around for the next conversation? So you could let me down even more gently?”

“So we could  _ talk _ !” Alex huffed. “Just because I didn’t want to get married then doesn’t mean I wanted us to break up. Which you might’ve known if you’d bothered to talk to me about it. You didn’t even ask me why.”

“It didn’t matter why,  _ you said no _ .” Michael shook his head. “We used to talk about forever but the second I tried to make that forever real, you turned me down.”

“You surprised me,” Alex raked a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t expecting a proposal, Michael. We’d talked about forever, yes, but in the abstract. Not in the ‘hey let’s get married this year’ kind of way. When we talked about getting married and settling down I just assumed we were talking about after I was out of the Air Force. You were moving faster than me and it surprised me.” He shook his head. “You were drunk and I’d thought we’d talk about it in the morning. But you didn’t give us that chance.”

“This is not on me!” Michael yelled in frustration.

“No, it’s on both of us.  _ We  _ fucked us up.” 

Michael breathed out through his nose. “If you wanted to talk so much, why didn’t you let me come see you in the hospital? You wouldn’t even answer the phone, Alex.”

“I was in pain and I was wallowing in self pity and you’d left me when I was whole and healthy, I didn’t want to know what you’d do when I was only three-quarters of a man.”

“Fuck you,” Michael’s voice was icy. “Fuck. You. Do you honestly think I give a damn about that?”

“No,” Alex told him.

“You just said-”

“I did then. Because, as I said, I was in a lot of pain and I was miserable and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I begged Patrick not to call you and when he did I didn’t talk to him for a week, I was so pissed.”

“But you let him be there for you.”

“Because he was there. Because he didn’t leave me in the middle of the night and cut off all contact!” Alex huffed. “Do I wish I had done things differently? Absolutely. I wanted forever with you, Michael. I still do. But that’s not what you want, so I am  _ trying _ to give you what you want. I am trying to be happy for you and Maria. I am trying to ignore how much I love you and just be your friend.” He let out a breath. “I’m trying Michael. But it hurts. It hurts seeing you be happy with someone else.”

Michael shook his head and backed away. “You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to do that, Alex! I asked you to marry me, you said no. I tried to be there for you when you needed me, you refused to even answer the phone. I tried to maybe start something again when you moved back, and  _ you said no _ . You do not get to say that I’m hurting you. You don’t.”

“I know,” Alex nodded. “But it does.”

Michael clenched his jaw and looked away. He turned back to Alex and started to say something before reconsidering. “Maybe it’s better if you just kept your distance. Might hurt you less.”

Alex felt empty. “If that’s what you want.”

“That’s no-” Michael stopped and shook his head. “Good night, Alex.” He turned on his heel and was gone before Alex could bring himself to move. 

Eventually he made it back into his car and he slowly made his way out to the cabin. The headlights illuminated the rental car parked out front as he drove up and he cursed under his breath. He’d forgotten they were here.

The moonlight hit Jeri in the face when he eased the front door open but she just turned to face the back of the couch, not bothering to wake up. Alex spotted Johnny’s long legs poking out over the end of the other couch but didn’t see Whitty anywhere.

He held back a groan when he slipped into his bedroom to see Whitty sitting up in his bed, his phone in hand.

“I thought you were right behind us,” Whitty questioned lightly. Alex shrugged as he sat to remove his pants and the leg. “Michael?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Alex cut him off before he could say anything else.

Whitty obligingly stayed quiet. For about two minutes. “Why didn’t you tell me he proposed? And why the hell did you say no?”

Alex braced his hands on the edge of the bed and leaned forward, his head hanging low. “He was drunk and I didn’t realize he meant it. I figured it was just sort of, hey let’s get married one day. I brushed him and he was gone when I woke up. Afterwards, I just really didn’t want to talk about it. I still don’t.”

“You know if you need to, I’m here.”

“I know.” He made his way to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Whitty hadn’t moved when came back. “What?”

“What happened tonight?”

Alex sighed as he got into bed. “We talked. He thinks it’s better if I keep my distance from now on. I’m not sure he’s wrong.” He turned onto his side. “Good night, Whitty.”

As he drifted off to sleep he heard Whitty’s quiet response, “Night Alex. It’ll all be okay one day.” He hoped he was right.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, um, this got longer than i intended. oops
> 
> had to update the tags because SOMEONE insisted on making an appearance

They made it through breakfast through sheer force of will and the carefully practiced art of pretending the man next to them wasn’t crumbling before their eyes. They’d learned quick in the service that sometimes you just had to ignore what was right in front of you. There wasn’t enough privacy for people to break down in peace so you had to give your fellow soldier what grace you could. 

Jeri and Johnny kept up an innocuous conversation as they cooked, ate, and then cleaned but they alternated between shooting Alex worried glances and sending questioning looks Whitty’s way. 

Alex didn’t notice. He picked at his food and mumbled responses when asked a question. Nothing more. The second his plate was scooped up he fled out to the back deck with his coffee.

“Okay,” Jeri sat down. “What the fuck?”

“He and Michael got into it last night. He wouldn’t tell me any details except that Michael wants him to keep his distance.”

Johnny cursed. “What happened with those two? They were solid. I mean, they weren’t perfect by any stretch, but they were  _ solid _ . And then one day Michael was gone and he didn’t come back.”

Whitty shrugged. Alex had only told him under duress, he wasn’t going to betray that by telling them. “From what I can tell, whatever happened, it wasn’t amicable.”

Jeri shook her head, her eyes fixed on Alex’s slumped form through the window. “It’s more than that. They were fine yesterday. And of everyone in the world, Alex told Michael where he was going and when he was expecting to be back. He didn’t call us, he didn’t tell Patrick, he told  _ Michael _ . Which means they’ve been on good enough terms lately. Whatever  _ this _ is is new.”

The two men mulled over her words quietly.

“What are we supposed to do?” Whitty asked, a tinge of frustration slipping into his voice. He hated not being able to help his friends, his family really, but emotional drama was not his forte. 

“I’m not sure there’s anything we can do,” Jeri finally looked at him. “If Alex doesn’t want to tell us what’s happening, it’s not our place to interject ourselves in their relationship.”

Johnny yanked open the door and stepped out onto the deck, ignoring Jeri and Whitty’s protests, leaving the door wide open behind him. “We have two days before we have to leave,” he pronounced, his hands on his hips. “What the fuck is there to do in Roswell?”

Alex turned his head slowly. “Not a whole lot,” he sounded vaguely apologetic. “There’s a reason I left, you know.”

It was quiet for a moment as the other three bit their tongues to stop themselves from pointing out that there was a reason he came back, too. Alex had his pick of locations for his final postings. He chose to come back here. And they all knew why. 

“Then we’ll have to find ways to entertain ourselves,” Johnny looked at them through the open doorway. “Adams Special?”

Whitty groaned as a slow grin spread over Jeri’s face. Outside, Alex laughed brightly, briefly. One sharp note of glee. “Yes.” He saluted Johnny with his coffee. “I’m picking the movie.”

“I’ll grab the food,” Jeri offered. 

“Food or  _ food _ ?” Whitty asked.

She rolled her eyes. “Food.”

“Well then I’ll get the rest of the food,” Whitty decided. “Wait. No.” In unison, all three looked to Johnny with horror as he started to laugh. “I’ve got the booze, Johnny gets the rest.”

“No, no, no,” Johnny protested. “Let me pick up the drinks.”

“No!” They all laughed as three voices rang out. The upside of Johnny never drinking was that they had a permanent designated driver, which came in handy more than a few times, but the downside was that the man had absolutely no idea what was good alcohol and what was utter shit. When he went shopping for drinks he always bought the cheapest items in the store and, for some godforsaken reason, the fruitiest options available. 

Needless to say, Johnny was banned from buying the drinks. Forever.

“Tonight?” Alex asked. “I have some work I need to do today.”

“Works for us,” Whitty conferred with the other two. They nodded and he pushed himself to his feet to join the other two men on the deck. “Now. This is the alien capital of the world, right? Where’s all the good alien stuff?”

Alex tensed nearly imperceptibly. “Walk around, follow the signs. It’s our only tourist attraction, you cannot miss it. There’s a shitty little museum you can walk through. It takes about four minutes.”

“Please tell me there are fake aliens we can take obnoxious photos with?” Jeri poked her head around the door frame.

“Of course,” Alex nodded somberly. “It wouldn’t be a tacky tourist museum without photo opportunities.”

“Excellent.” Jeri jerked her head at the other two. “We’re going.” She disappeared back into the house. 

Alex waved at them. “Have fun. Like I said, I have some work to do.”

Johnny paused for a second before going inside, squeezing Alex’s shoulder gently as he passed him.

“1800?” Alex nodded. “Do you-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Alex cut him off. “I really don’t Whitty. Please don’t ask.”

It was the please that did it. Whitty held his hands up. “Okay. But you know-”

“I know.” He jerked his head. “Now go play tourist.”

“We’ll see you later.”

Alex didn’t answer as he left and he didn’t come inside as they got ready and left. He didn’t even acknowledge them as they drove down the long driveway.

“Okay,” Jeri leaned forward from the backseat as soon as Alex’s cabin was out of sight. “Plan B? If the Adams Special doesn’t help?”

Whitty was already pulling his phone out and shifting in his seat to set it on the console between them. “Plan B is more like Plan P.”

Johnny glanced at him briefly, a question in his eyes. “What?” Jeri asked out loud.

Whitty didn’t say anything as he pulled up his contacts and hit Call.

“Is someone dead?” The man on the other end answered gruffly. Jeri laughed.

“Patrick Scott!” She greeted happily.

“Well, shit, is that Jeri?” 

“It is,” she confirmed. “How are you? It’s been a minute.”

“That it has. I’ve been good. Settling into civilian life, you know.” 

“Yeah, that’s great,” Whitty cut Jeri off before she could reply. It earned him a glare but he didn’t care. “It’s about Alex.”

“What about Alex?” All levity was gone from Patrick’s voice. 

“We’re in Roswell,” Johnny piped up. “This is Johnny Walker, by the way.”

“Hey, Walker,” Patrick greeted. “What the hell are you three doing in Roswell?”

“Alex was out of touch for almost two weeks. We got worried.”

“Did you not call Michael?” 

The car was silent. Until- “We tried but Whitty kept shooting us down,” Jeri spilled. 

A heavy sigh. “Don’t,” Whitty bit out. He and Patrick had been friends once, until Alex and Michael broke up unexpectedly and Whitty had unequivocally chosen Alex’s side. Patrick hadn’t approved of that and they’d had a few choice words over how to be a good friend. It hadn’t been pretty. “Alex is fine, physically. But he and Michael got into it last night, we think, and now Alex is-” he didn’t want to insult the man when he was down but-

“Remember how he was right before our last deployment?” Johnny asked, his eyes on the road as he turned towards town. 

“Shit.” Patrick cursed lowly. Alex had been relatively okay right after their breakup, all things considered. It was only when they got their orders that he really lost it. For weeks, it was like there was no one home. He went to work and did his job but he wasn’t  _ Alex _ . “What happened?”

“We don’t know,” Jeri told him. “They were fine last night when we were all out at the bar together. The three of us called it a night and we thought Alex was right behind us but he got home over an hour later and he-”

“He wasn’t good,” Whitty finished. “He said that Michael told him to stay away and that he agreed with him.”

Patrick was silent. “You’re on your way to talk to Michael right now, aren’t you?” The three in the car exchanged guilty glances. They hadn’t exactly talked about it but Johnny was heading out to the scrapyard Michael lived at and the other two hadn’t voiced any objections. Patrick groaned. “Don’t make this worse, you guys. Stay out of it.”

Jeri shook her head. “If you were here, you wouldn’t.”

“Okay, fine, probably not,” Patrick agreed. “But neither one of them is gonna like you butting into their shit.”

“Look, I called you for a reason,” Whitty sighed. “You’re not here and we are so tell us what you would do if you were.”

“I’m gonna regret this,” Patrick whispered. He cleared his throat. “Talk to Michael. He’s less likely to tell you to fuck off, but for the love of God, do not push him. When he’s done talking, back off. And just, if you can, try and get them to talk to each other.” He paused. “I’m not telling you to lock them in a room together because that would end horribly for everyone but if you can get them in the same place for a while and make them talk, that would be good. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed but they have this really weird habit of talking to each other without actually communicating? It’s like they’re having two different conversations at the same time and they never realize it.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that,” Johnny mused. The other two nodded.

“I’m staying out of this until one of them calls me,” Patrick told them. “But good luck.”

“Thanks, Scott,” Johnny turned into the scrapyard. “We’ll have to talk to you later.”

“Try not to unless you royally fuck up,” he warned. “And please, don’t fuck them up more than they already are.”

“We’ll do our very best,” Jeri assured him as Johnny pulled to a stop next to a red Chevy.

“That’s not as reassuring as you probably meant it to be.” Patrick hung up on them and Whitty tucked the phone away as they all got out of the car.

“Hey,” a woman’s voice greeted. They turned to see Maria DeLuca stepping down from the Airstream. “Good morning.” She smiled.

“Morning!” Jeri returned with a wave as Johnny nodded. Whitty just shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Michael here?”

Maria’s jaw clenched as she looked at him. “He’s over in the bay,” she nodded to a covered area off to the side. “He started work a few hours ago.”

He tossed a ‘thanks’ over his shoulder as he stalked off in the direction she pointed in. The glare of the sun made it hard to see into the shaded bay so he had to trust that she wasn’t bullshitting him as he walked into the shade.

“Whitty,” Michael greeted guardedly. He glanced up briefly before focusing back on his work.

“Michael,” Whitty was suddenly nervous. He’d offered a half assed apology at the bar last night but he knew it didn’t make up for the years of being a dick. “I, uh, I wanted to talk to you.”

Michael didn’t look up. “About what?”

“I’m sorry.”

“You already apologized.”

Whitty shifted his feet and glanced over his shoulder. The other two had stalled in front of Michael’s trailer, making small talk with Maria. “I know. But it’s not enough. I was an ass. For three years. And you didn’t deserve it.” Michael’s hands stilled. “I’m sorry, Michael. I should have talked to you, reached out after-” He cleared his throat. “We were friends and I shit all over that because of a misunderstanding that I didn’t bother to correct and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”

Now Michael looked up. “Thank you. I could have made an effort, too,” he acknowledged. “You all were my friends and I just- I don’t know, I just assumed Alex got you all in the breakup, I guess.”

Whitty chuckled. “You couldn’t even fight for joint custody?” Michael smiled weakly. “But that would have required talking to him, wouldn’t it have?” Michael’s eyes hardened but Whitty ignored it. “What happened? For three years I’ve had to make up scenarios that ended with you two just fucking shattering overnight and nothing,  _ nothing _ , came close to what Alex told me last night. I just- I don’t understand.”

“You don’t need to,” Michael turned away.

“That’s true,” he acknowledged. “But I want to. My friends are hurting, have been hurting for years, and I don’t know why.”

Michael looked up and past him. Whitty turned to see Maria watching them carefully. “Do you love her?” He asked softly.

“Yes,” Michael answered immediately. And Whitty believed him. “I think I could easily spend the rest of my life with her. It’s so- we’re so-” he shook his head. “It’s easy. Comfortable. It’s really nice. It’s what love is supposed to be, right?”

He walked deeper into the bay and hopped up onto a counter, his feet dangling just off of the ground. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never really been in love.” Maria had turned her attention back to whatever Jeri was saying, her hands gesturing wildly, but Michael hadn’t looked away. “But from what I hear? It depends on what you want. Some people say that love and relationships should be calming, should be soothing and comfortable. But others say that if the other person doesn’t make your heart beat faster, then what’s the point? Those people say that love should make everything  _ more _ .”

Michael looked at him, an eyebrow already raised. Whitty rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with romcoms, dude.” Michael laughed and Whitty joined in. “But honestly, Michael? Love should be whatever you want it to be. Do you want comfortable and easy? Or do you want something more?”

“I asked Alex to marry me,” Michael admitted quietly after a long silence. “He said no.”

“And then?” Whitty prompted when he trailed off.

“And then I left. He’d turned me down. We were done.”

Whitty raised an eyebrow. “Did he say that?”

“He didn’t have to,” Michael scoffed. “If he didn’t want to marry me, what was the point of our relationship?”

“Were you only dating him as a precursor to marriage?” He felt his forehead wrinkle as his eyes narrowed. “Or were you dating him because you loved him?”

“Of course I was dating him because I loved him,” Michael glared at him for the question. “But if he didn’t see us moving forward, being together forever, better to leave then than stick around longer and have it hurt more when he was finally done with me.”

Whitty was so unqualified for this conversation it wasn’t funny. He ached to call Patrick back and let him deal with this. “I realize that I don’t know the complexities of your relationship with Alex,” he started slowly. “But I like to think I know Alex pretty well, after everything we’ve been through, and I can tell you, without a doubt, that Alex would never be done with you. Maybe he doesn’t ever want to get married, maybe he didn’t want to get married then, I don’t know. But he wasn’t done with you. I mean, Alex literally had his pick of any location in the world to finish up his service and he chose Roswell. And I doubt it was because he missed the desert.” Whitty chose his next words carefully. “After- it was like he wasn’t Alex. He was there, but part of him, part of what made him  _ him _ , was gone. And, as far as I can tell, he still hasn’t gotten it back.” He stared at Michael’s back, the muscles tensing under his shirt as Michael gripped the edge of the table hard. “He loves you. That’s a fact of life, honestly. And you love him.” He stopped to give Michael a chance to object but the man stayed silent. “What that means for you two? I don’t know. But I think? That you two need to sit down and figure that out. Whatever it is you’re doing now isn’t working. You’re both miserable.”

“I love Maria,” Michael insisted softly.

“No one ever said you didn’t.”

Michael shook his head. “I  _ love _ her.”

“Michael,” Whitty said quietly. He waited until Michael looked at him. “If Alex and Maria were trapped in a burning building and you only had time to get to one, who would you go to?” Michael looked away. 

“Hey,” Jeri called before Whitty could say anything else. He looked over to see the three of them ambling over.

“I’m meeting Liz for lunch,” Maria announced. “So I’m going to head out. Do you want me to bring you back anything?” She asked Michael as she walked over to him, her hand going straight to his hip as she stepped into his personal space. Michael didn’t pull away and he didn’t tense up but there was something there, Whitty could tell. So could Maria if the way she stepped back was any indication.

Michael shook his head. “I’ve got food in the Airstream,” he jerked his head at the trailer.

“Okay,” Maria dragged out. “I’ll see you tonight?”

Michael nodded jerkily and pecked her on the lips. Maria eyed him worriedly as she bid the others farewell. Whitty watched her walk to her car, curious glances tossed over her shoulder every few steps.

“So,” Johnny drawled after she left. 

“Look,” Michael rubbed at his forehead. “It’s really nice that you guys stopped by but I do have to work.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jeri assured him. “We just wanted to say hi since we were close by.” She glanced in the direction of their cars. “Maria’s nice.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“We’re in town until early Monday,” Johnny told him. “You busy tomorrow?”

“I have plans at my sister’s,” Michael was clearly apologetic. “Standing appointment kind of thing. How about tonight?” They all paused. Michael was really the only one outside their unit to really understand and appreciate the Adams Special but- “Right. Nevermind. I’ll see what I can do about tomorrow.”

“You better,” Jeri warned with a smile. She gave Michael a quick hug. “We’ll let you work. We’re off to see the aliens.”

Michael stiffened. “What?”

They exchanged glances. “Alex mentioned a trashy museum?” Michael’s shoulders relaxed fractionally.

“Oh yeah,” he nodded. “It’s not much.”

Whitty shrugged. “Jeri wants to take inappropriate pictures with little green men.”

“Fuck off. You want to take stupid pictures, too.”

“I never said I didn’t!”

“You insinuated that we’re only going for me. Same thing.”

Whitty laughed. “How is that the same thing?”

“Okay,” Michael cut in. “You guys have fun.” He waved a hand at their car. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Johnny waved goodbye as Jeri picked the argument back up.

It lasted the whole drive and the entire two hours they spent inside the three room museum. They’d both lost the plot of it ages ago but they kept it going, the back and forth old habit for them.

There were a few tacky tourist shops littered along Main Street and a fun little diner with an entire menu of alien puns and before they knew it the majority of the day was gone. They had just enough time to split up and gather their supplies before they headed back to the cabin to meet up with Alex.

When they walked in almost an hour later, they found the couch cushions scattered on the floor with what looked like every pillow and blanket Alex owned. The man himself was perched on the empty couch. A movie was already queued up on the TV.

“Any trouble?” 

They shook their heads. “Johnny wanted to try every milkshake at this diner we stopped in.”

“I wanted a Little Green Man!” He protested with a laugh. “Jeri had two.”

Alex grinned. “You went to the Crashdown?”

“Their menu is amazing,” Jeri gushed as she plopped down next to him, ignoring all the cushy comforts on the floor.

“It is,” Alex agreed easily. “That’s Liz’s dad’s place. His milkshakes are amazing.”

“They really are,” Johnny concurred as he started emptying his bags. Jeri had already opened the pizza boxes on the coffee table and he set his loot next to them. 

“Jesus,” Whitty whistled as he passed out the alcohol. “Where did you find this crap?”

“Gift shops,” Johnny beamed, proud of his haul.

“This is gonna suck.” Alex shook his head, a smile on his face belying his words. “Alright, you know the drill.” The others nodded and got as comfortable as they could. The rules of the Adams Special were simple. One person chose a movie (it wasn’t required that it was a military movie but no one had ever chosen anything else). As they watched, they had to call out any inaccuracies they spotted. The first person to spot something got to take a drink while everyone else had to eat something from the haul (again, it wasn’t required that the haul be full of the most disgusting candies and snack foods available, but well, it always was). As a bonus, whoever drank got to get a blanket/pillow/couch cushion and make themselves comfortable. It sounded like a reward but really, whoever started off in the ‘lead’ was quickly too drunk to keep up with everyone else and usually ended up forcing down more of the haul than anyone. 

Richard Adams, a self proclaimed film buff and all around devious ray of sunshine, had come up with it after their first tour and it had quickly turned into a unit tradition. 

“What’s the movie?” Whitty opened his bottle and grabbed a slice of pizza. Real food was only allowed until the first inaccuracy was spotted. 

Alex grinned and clicked play. A moment later groans filled the air as the Pearl Harbor title filled the screen. 

“We’re gonna die,” Jeri mourned as she crammed a slice into her mouth. “I don’t think Johnny got enough snacks.”

“There’s a stash of MREs in the pantry,” Alex assured her. 

“Oh, great. Thanks, Satan.”

Johnny shouted out the first error and with a loud groan, the game was afoot. 

They made it three quarters of the way through the movie before the snacks ran out. By then, they each had a nice little cocoon of mismatched blankets and pillows. Alex had grabbed all of the couch cushions and kicked the others onto the floor. 

“Should- should we-” Jeri leaned back against the couch. “MREs?”

Alex dropped his bottle of whiskey onto the table with a loud thunk. “Or we admit defeat.”

“We can’t,” Johnny protested weakly. “Adams would be ashamed of us.”

“We don’t have to tell him,” Whitty offered. Truthfully, they’d managed to find even more inaccuracies than in previous viewings and the screen was starting to waver too much for him to focus. Damn alcohol.

Johnny tried to sit up to argue with him but ended up flopping back onto the floor. “Yeah, okay.”

The next few minutes passed by, blissfully silent except for the TV. 

“Is it possible to feel your heart break?” Alex slurred suddenly. Jeri paused the movie immediately. No one looked at each other. “Because- because when I see him I feel it.”

“What do you want, Alex?” Johnny asked, his voice over loud.

“Michael,” Alex answered immediately. “I just want him. But he doesn’t want me.”

“Okay,” Jeri shifted so she could look up at the couch without sitting up. “So what are you going to do about that?”

“I’m trying to be happy for him. I mean, I  _ am _ happy for him. He’s happy with Maria and I want him to be happy. And I love Maria and I want  _ her _ to be happy. I just wish they weren’t being all happy with each other.” He sighed heavily. “I’m an asshole.”

“You’re in love,” Jeri countered. “It’s okay to not be a perfect guy when your heart’s involved, Alex.” She suddenly sounded a lot more sober than she had a few minutes before. “Do you want space?”

“No,” Alex protested loudly, instantly. “I already did that. Did that for three years and I won’t do it again. It hurts like hell seeing him with her but I’d rather see it everyday than leave him again.”

Jeri rolled over onto her stomach and slowly pushed onto her hands and knees. Whitty watched her and Alex have a silent conversation before she crawled onto the couch and wrapped herself around him like an octopus. Alex tugged his blanket around her shoulders.

“Why’d you say-” Whitty stopped, his jaw snapping shut as he realized what he was about to ask.

Alex sighed. “Why’d I say no?” Jeri and Johnny both turned to look at him, surprise and confusion warring on their faces. “I was in New York, he was here. He wasn’t going to leave his siblings or this town and I didn’t exactly get a say in where I lived. I knew I probably had at least one more deployment and we were  _ young _ . Is it really so absurd that I wasn’t ready to get married? I thought we had time. I thought we’d talk about it after I got out. After I moved home and we lived together.” His voice got quieter as he talked. “I thought we had time.” He repeated. “I didn’t know it was then or never. I would’ve said yes. I would’ve made it work if I knew the alternative was him leaving in the middle of the night and- and- and  _ this _ .” He scoffed. “ _ This _ hurts worse than having my fucking leg blown off.”

Whitty waved a hand at Jeri and she nodded without really looking at him. Without a word she slipped off the couch and pulled Alex onto the floor. Whitty and Johnny crawled over from their opposite sides of the room and the three of them cuddled around Alex.

“Love sucks, dude,” Johnny advised sagely. No one said anything until suddenly they were all laughing.

Silence fell over them for a long while. The soft hum of the television lulled Alex and Johnny to sleep quickly. Whitty could feel the soft fog of sleep tugging at him when he heard a car in the driveway and then the front door creak open. He struggled to wake up until Jeri laid a hand on his arm.

“Adams Special?” Whitty heard the smile in Michael’s voice.

“Would we do anything else?” Jeri didn’t get up or even lift her head. Her eyes were fixed over Whitty’s head.

“Is he-”

“He’s in pain,” Jeri admitted softly. “It’s no one’s fault, really. Just life. And love. He’ll be okay. We’ll make sure of it.”

Whitty watched as a hand came down and stroked the hair off of Alex’s forehead. Alex turned into it, still deep in sleep but somehow knowing whose touch it was.

“I hate seeing him hurting,” Michael stroked Alex’s cheek with his thumb.

Jeri didn’t answer for long enough that Whitty had to check that she was still awake. “Michael,” she finally said softly.

“I know.” He sighed. “I know.”


	4. Chapter 4

He probably should’ve left. Well, no probably about it, really. He’d told Alex to give him space and yet here he was standing in his kitchen making breakfast.

He should’ve left.

“Please tell me that’s bacon I smell,” Whitty lumbered into the kitchen and flopped into a chair. Michael grabbed the plate of bacon and set it on the table in front of him without a word. “Oh thank god.”

“The others?” Michael flipped the pancake.

“Alex and Johnny are still out. I don’t know where Jeri is.”

“She went running.”

“_ How? _” 

Michael laughed. “She cheats, dude. She takes the tiniest sips imaginable whenever there’s a drinking game.”

The back door crashed open and Michael shot out a hand to stop the door from banging into the counter. “Easy,” he cautioned.

“Sorry,” Jeri winced as she slid past him to reach the fridge. By the time Michael turned around, she was on her second bottle of water. “Why is it so hot so early?”

“Desert,” Michael shrugged. “Figured you’d be used to it.”

She shook her head and plopped down next to Whitty. The plate of bacon was almost empty but she snatched a few strips before Michael took it back to load up the next batch.

“You’re not hungover?” Whitty asked with a glare.

Jeri grinned. “Hangovers are for wimps.”

“I hate you.”

“I’m okay with that.”

“Can someone grab my crutches?” Alex’s voice carried through from the living room. Michael knew where they were sitting and started to carry them over to him before remembering the other people in the room. Jeri jumped up to grab them and he had to let them clatter to the ground before she saw them levitating. 

Jeri reappeared a moment later and grabbed the pancake from Michael. Alex took another minute behind her and bypassed the kitchen altogether. Michael watched surreptitiously as he made his way slowly to the bathroom. He planted one of the crutches wrong and Michael had to steady it before it gave out. Alex noticed and glared briefly over his shoulder.

A great start to the day, then.

Johnny showed his face a few minutes later and soon enough the breakfast was devoured. Never let it be said that airmen don’t know how to eat. When they were finished, the three of them shooed Michael out of the kitchen to let them clean up. He tried to fight them on it but he was quickly outvoted. 

“Fine, fine, I’m going,” he muttered as he snatched the plate he’d set aside for Alex. A quick glance into the living room confirmed what he already knew; Alex hadn’t come out of the bathroom.

“Alex?” He knocked on the bedroom door as he eased it open. The door to the attached bathroom was mostly closed but Michael could hear the shower running. He set the plate on the bedside table and knocked. “Alex?”

“Go away, Guerin.”

Michael closed his eyes and rested his forehead on the door. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking great,” Alex snapped. “I will be infinitely better when you leave. You wanted space, remember? This is not space.”

“I know, I just-” he paused. “There’s a plate of food on your bedside table. The others ate everything else.” He straightened and turned to leave. “Take some advil, okay?”

Alex didn’t reply and Michael left. The trio in the kitchen didn’t say anything when he came back. Nor did they try to stop him when he said he was leaving. They made tentative plans to meet up later and Michael left the house. He was supposed to be at Isobel’s anyway. 

Later, he wouldn’t be able to say how he made it through lunch. Isobel, Max, and Liz all tried to rope him into conversation but he wasn’t exactly up to full sentences so they eventually gave up. Maria tried to hold his hand a few times, something not unusual for them, but he kept pulling away every time she tried. Eventually she gave up too. As soon as the table was cleared, Michael mumbled an excuse and fled back to his Airstream.

He didn’t hesitate when he got home. It had been on his mind for days, ever since Whitty, Jeri, and Johnny showed up, and he finally gave into the urge. There was a hollowed out section of his bed, just under the mattress. In it, he kept a firebox. It was small but all of the very most important things were kept there. Irreplaceable research. Photos of him and Isobel and Max. Photos of him and Alex. And-

He’d just pulled out the little black box, hadn’t even opened it yet, when the car pulled up outside and he heard the door slam. A moment later the door to the Airstream was yanked open. Michael didn’t even think about hiding the box. He couldn’t even bear to tear his eyes away from it. Three years ago, he’d carried it around in his pocket for months but then he’d stuffed it at the bottom of the box and hadn’t looked at it since.

“What is that?” Michael closed his eyes briefly and turned to face Maria.

“Do you really want to know?”

Maria swallowed. He could see it on her face, she knew what it was. “I want you to stop lying to me. I want- I want the truth.”

“It’s an engagement ring,” Michael told her as he folded his fingers around it to hide it from view.

She nodded. “It’s not for me.” It wasn’t a question.

“No,” he answered anyway.

Maria shifted her feet and glanced out at her car before coming closer and perching herself on the edge of the bunk. “Could it ever be?”

She didn’t mean that exact ring, he knew, but he stuffed it into his pocket anyway. That ring was Alex’s. No one else’s. “I don’t know,” he replied softly. She nodded slowly. “We’re not there yet. We’re not- it’s only been a few months, Maria. I haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

“I get it,” she assured him as she reached out and grabbed his hand. His right hand, as always. She avoided his left hand whenever possible; Michael wasn’t sure if it was because of the fact that it had been healed or because of how it got injured in the first place, but she always reached first for his right hand. “It hasn’t really crossed my mind either. Like you said, it’s only been a few months.” She twined their fingers together. “But I think we need to think about it. Because right now we’re hurting someone we both care about and if we’re not going to be in this for the long haul, then I’m not sure it’s worth it. I’m not saying I want to get married right now, god no, but if it’s not even a possibility? If it’s not something we see for ourselves? Then-”

Michael had to marvel at the way she laid it out. It seemed so simple. Not easy, but simple. And Michael understood it because he’d had that same feeling once, three years ago. If marriage wasn’t in the cards, then what was the point?

They sat in silence for a while, the sky starting to go dark around them as they settled onto the floor. 

“How long did it take before you knew you wanted to marry him?” Maria eventually asked, her voice rough.

Truthfully, Michael had asked Alex before he ever left Roswell. It had been a Hail Mary, honestly, but he’d wanted some kind of assurance that Alex was leaving town, but not him. It hadn’t worked, obviously, but he’d known then, eighteen and stupid, that he could easily spend his life with Alex.

He wasn’t going to say that, though. He wasn’t that cruel.

“We were together over six years before I bought the ring,” he told her instead.

“We don’t have six years to figure this out.”

The sun set while they sat there, no more words said until Michael’s phone rang.

“Hey,” he answered without checking the Caller ID.

“Hey!” Johnny greeted brightly. “We’re at the bar, the Pony? You free to come join us?” If they weren’t leaving in the morning, Michael would refuse but as it was…

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’ll come by.”

“Yes!” Johnny cried. “I call Michael!” He yelled away from the phone. “You’re on my team for pool. Hurry your ass up.” He hung up.

Michael huffed a quiet laugh and tucked the phone away. “I’m being summoned to the Pony,” he told Maria. “It’s their last night in town.”

She nodded and let him help her up. Michael wasn’t sure where they stood with each other and from the look on her face, neither was she. Nevertheless, she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Go have fun with your friends. We’ll talk later.”

Michael followed her out and down the street to the bar. He watched her circle around back and head upstairs to her apartment, her entire body radiating her sadness, before walking in through the front entrance. 

“Michael!” Jeri yelled as soon as he got inside. He turned to see all four of them huddled by a pool table. Alex looked at him and walked over to the bar. “Why the hell did you get here so fast?” 

“I was told I was needed,” he replied as he wandered over, his eyes fixed on Alex. A pool cue hit him in the arm and his head snapped back to find the three of them staring at him. With a grimace he picked the cue off of the ground. “Alright, whose turn is it?”

“Yours,” Whitty grumbled. Johnny just grinned and waved at the table.

Michael quickly lined up his shot and sank the seven before straightening up. “Are we highs or lows?”

“Highs,” Jeri and Whitty grinned. Johnny just face palmed.

“Oops.”

“Here,” Alex pressed a beer to his arm as Whitty lined up the next shot. “Thanks for breakfast.”

Michael took the bottle with a nod. “Anytime.”

“Don’t-” Alex shook his head. “Don’t say shit like that. It’s not fair.” He rounded the table before Michael could say anything else. 

“Oy, Earth to Michael,” Johnny waved his cue in front of his eyes until Michael swatted at it. “You’re up. Now, this time,”

“Aim for the striped balls?” Michael finished. Johnny nodded sagely.

“No, no, no!” Whitty protested. “I liked it when you aimed for the solids.”

Jeri jerked her thumb at Whitty. “I’m with him.”

“For once,” Michael laughed and sank the 11. “Unfortunately, it’s not gonna help you any.” He sank the 14.

They got two rounds in before Alex made his excuses and left. Michael waited all of 30 seconds before following. As it was, he only just caught Alex as he was about to pull out of the lot. 

Michael stood in front of Alex’s car and stared at him through the windshield. Alex didn’t move so Michael gently urged the car back until Alex rolled his eyes and drove to the back of the lot. He was just getting out when Michael caught up on foot.

“What the hell do you want, Guerin?” Alex half yelled. “You wanted space. I’m trying to give you space.” He jammed a finger in Michael’s direction. “You’re not holding up your end of the deal.”

“Alex, I-”

“What?” Alex asked when he stopped. “You what, Guerin?”

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I don’t know.”

Alex sighed and leaned back against his car. “What do you want, Michael?”

“I want to be happy.”

Alex closed his eyes briefly and let out a breath. “Well, good. I’m glad. I want you to be happy too.” He paused. “What’s gonna make you happy?”

Michael stared at him. “Why’d you say no?”

“Jesus Christ,” Alex cursed under his breath. “I told you already.”

“Tell me again.”

“I didn’t think we were ready. We lived in different states and hardly ever saw each other in person. We were young and I had years left on my service.” Alex shook his head. “It wasn’t a no so much as a not now.”

“You didn’t say not now,” Michael argued.

“No, I didn’t. I should’ve been clearer,” Alex admitted. “But you were drunk and I thought we’d talk about it in the morning. I thought- I thought we had more time.”

Michael nodded and looked away. “Would you have ever said yes? Was marriage ever something you wanted?”

“Honestly? I don’t know. I didn’t think about it that much. It was always this unattainable thing growing up, the idea that I could get married one day, that it sort of lost its importance, you know? As long as we loved each other and chose to be together, I don’t think a piece of paper really matters all that much.”

“It matters to me,” Michael admitted quietly.

“Then, yeah, I’d want to get married,” Alex told him just as quietly. 

Michael cleared his throat. “If- if you-” he cursed. “Why did you walk away that night at the drive-in? If you- if you regretted saying no, why walk away?”

“My dad-”

“Fuck your dad, Alex,” Michael yelled. 

Alex glared at him. “Do you want to listen or do you want to yell at me?”

Michael clenched his jaw. “Can’t I do both?”

“Not at the same time.” He shook his head. “So pick one.” Michael pursed his lips and waved him on. “My dad got in my head about us. About people seeing us together. And the whole time he was talking the only thing I could see was that fucking hammer, okay? I just- being in this town, being around _ him _\- I guess it doesn’t matter how old I get, my father is always going to scare me. And the idea of putting you in his path again terrified me like nothing else. So I pushed you away. I regretted it while I was doing it and I’m sorry that I let him get in my head again and I’m sorry I hurt you. But me walking away that night had nothing to do with me not loving you or me not wanting to be with you. I just- fuck, Michael, I just wanted you to be safe.”

“You don’t get to decide that without me,” Michael ground out. “It’s my life, Alex. I get a vote in what happens to it!”

“I know.”

Michael laughed harshly. “You know. You just don’t care.”

“Of course I care!” Alex yelled. “I love you! I won’t apologize for trying to keep you safe. I went about it the wrong way, yeah, but I’m not sorry for what I was trying to do.”

“Right.” Michael kicked at the gravel. “You love me. You want to _ protect _ me. But you don’t want to be with me.”

Alex groaned in frustration. “If you had told me that night three years ago, that my choice was to say yes or we would never be together again, I would have shouted it from the rooftops. All I want is to be with you. Months ago, I tried to make things right but then you showed me your ship and told me you were trying to leave the _ planet _ and then Caulfield happened and it all just fell apart.”

“It fell apart because you gave up on us. On me.”

Alex glared at him. “I am here, Michael. I came back to this fucking town, to the one place I know my father is, because of you. Because I had one single shred of hope that maybe there was still a chance for us. I have made mistakes, yes, but I have _ not _ given up on us. You did.”

Michael shook his head and backed up a step. Then another. “Fine. I gave up. I got tired of getting hurt. And you know what? Maria doesn’t hurt me.”

Alex flinched and took a step back. “Good. I’m happy for you.”

“Fuck you, Alex.”

“What?” He snapped. “I can’t be happy that you’re happy?”

“You know, Whitty asked me something yesterday that I can’t stop thinking about,” Michael changed the subject. Alex blinked at him. “He asked- if you and Maria were trapped in a burning building and I only had time to get to one of you, who would I go to?” He shook his head. “The answer’s you. Before he even finished asking the question, I knew the answer was you. And I have tried to talk myself out of it, tried to argue that you’re a trained soldier and Maria would need me more but I can’t. I picture that scenario and there is no way I don’t head straight to you. I don’t even care if there was no way to get you out. If you were in trouble, or you were hurt, or you were dying, I’d be there. Nothing and no one would be able to stop me.” Michael wasn’t sure Alex was breathing, he was so still. “And that pisses me off because you- you have this power to destroy me. In every way. And it scares me so much. And Maria- she’s safe. And comfortable. And it’s easy with her.”

Alex still hadn’t moved.

“But I don’t want easy. It’s not enough.”

“So,” Alex had to clear his throat. “What exactly does that mean?”

“I don’t know.”

\---

He and Maria made it three more weeks before acknowledging the inevitable. They both tried, knowing what it had cost them to be together, but in the end, they accepted that neither one of them saw their relationship surviving in the long run. 

It hurt, because he truly did love her, but it didn’t destroy him. Maria had never been capable of that.

“I need advice,” he said as soon as the phone connected.

“Oh?” Patrick greeted. “I don’t get a hello, first? Just a cry for help? What has our relationship come to?”

“Hi, Patrick,” Michael rolled his eyes. “How are you? How’s the new job? Good? Good. Help me.”

Patrick laughed. “Yeah, yeah, hello to you too. What do you need?”

“Alex.”

“Ah,” Patrick sighed. “This isn’t gonna be a short phone call. Gimme a second.” Michael heard him speak to someone on his end and then a door shut. “Alright. Let me hear it.”

“I love him,” Michael admitted.

“I know.”

“I broke up with Maria.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Michael appreciated the honesty in he heard in Patrick’s voice. “How are you doing?”

“Fine,” Michael confessed. “A little mopey, according to my sister, but overall? I’m fine.”

Patrick hummed. “And?”

“And I love her but I’m fine not being with her. I don’t- I don’t really understand?” When he’d left Alex after the failed proposal, he had been distraught. He could barely eat anything, he had trouble getting out of bed, etc. It was a really rough few months. But with Maria…

“You don’t understand how you can love someone but not be emotionally destroyed by not being with them?”

“Yeah…”

“Have you considered that the way you feel about Maria is different to the way you feel about anyone else?” Alex’s name hung in the air. “And so the way you feel after breaking up with her is different from the way you’d feel after breaking up with anyone else?”

“I guess. I just-”

“Just what?”

“I thought we had something real.”

“You did. Just because it wasn’t forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t real, man.” There was the sound of shifting on Patrick’s end. 

Michael didn’t say anything and Patrick let the silence linger.

“Part of me wishes that it could have been forever,” Michael admitted. “It was everything I think a relationship should be. No drama, no pain, just comfort.”

“But?”

“But it wasn’t enough,” Michael closed his eyes and hugged an arm around his knees. “It was like the world was beige. There’s nothing wrong with beige. It’s just-”

“And Alex?”

“Alex is a fucking rainbow. When he’s around, the world’s full of color. It’s just- more. In every way.”

“Is that better or worse?”

“Both.”

“Michael…”

“I feel like when he’s around, I can finally breathe,” Michael cut him off. “Like- like I’m only really me, completely, when I’m with him. But that also means that I’m vulnerable around him. He- he can break me, Patrick.”

“Maybe,” Patrick acknowledged. “But he can also put you back together. If you let him.” He paused. “Will you?”

\---

They spend over two months exchanging carefully curated emails and text messages. No phone calls (4am is a fake hour and things that happen at that time don’t count) and they don’t see each other outside of group settings. 

It works. Sort of.

Things are tense and awkward for a while. But writing down what they want to say helps them to actually communicate for the first time in years.

Michael’s honestly a little afraid of what will happen if they start talking in person again. Afraid of what will be lost in translation this time.

A week before Christmas he drives out to the cabin. It’s late, later than is probably acceptable, but he’s spent days working himself up to this and he can’t turn around now. 

There’s a soft glow coming from one of the windows and what looks like a tree set up in the living room. Michael hasn’t been out here since Whitty and the others left but it looks mostly the same. 

It’s reassuring, in a way. The visible evidence that Alex is still here. That he hasn’t walked away. 

Michael grabs the two items off of the seat and trudges up the steps to knock on the door. It takes a minute before it opens to reveal Alex in his old sweats and bedhead.

“Shit, sorry,” Michael stepped back. “I didn’t think you’d be asleep.”

“It’s fine,” Alex rubs at his eyes. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.” Michael hesitates. “Can I come in?”

Alex steps back to let him in.

“I like your tree.” 

“Thanks. Liz and Maria bullied me into it.” Alex shuts and locks the door.

“You and Maria are-”

“We’re working on it,” Alex explains. “Liz is helping us.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Michael hated that he’d come between them. He’d been so wrapped up in his own pain and his own trauma to spare a thought for what he was doing to Alex and Maria’s friendship and he’d regretted it.

He took a moment to admire the tree. Most of it was full of generic ornaments but he spotted a few clearly homemade ones scattered throughout. One had an old picture of Alex, Liz, and Maria from what looked like middle school.

Alex waited him out without saying a word. Finally, Michael couldn’t put it off any longer and he turned to face him, his hands deep in his pockets gripping his precious items tightly. 

“I have some things I want to say,” he starts off. “But we’re not so great at talking to each other.”

“Okay?”

Michael pulled out the crumpled sheet of paper and held it out. “I, uh, I wrote it down. We’re better at that, lately. I didn’t want to mess it up. And I didn’t want there to be any confusion, so…”

Alex stepped forward to grab the paper. He leaned heavily on one crutch as he unfolded it and began to read. 

_ Alex, _

_ I love you. I’m in love with you. _

_ You said that marriage doesn’t mean much to you, that it’s just a piece of paper. Well that piece of paper means a lot to me. It’s proof that I’m wanted. That I’m loved, by someone who _ chose _ me and chose to be my family, not just because we were stuck in a pod cave together. When you blew me off, I felt like you were saying that you didn’t choose me. That I wasn’t quite enough for you. That’s why I left. I couldn’t stand to hear you say it out loud so I left before you could. I should’ve stayed. I should’ve stayed and talked to you. I should’ve listened to you. I’m sorry that I didn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t realize where you were coming from and I didn’t take the time to ask. _

_ You were right, you know. We weren’t ready. No matter how much we loved each other then, we weren’t ready to be married. And we sure as hell aren’t ready now. But I want us to get there someday. I want us to be ready. _

_ You came back. You hate Roswell and you hate being close to your father but you came back anyway and I never fully appreciated that until recently. Thank you. Thank you for coming back and thank you for staying. _

_ We’ve hurt each other. We’ve made mistakes. And now I want us to move on, if we can. _

_ Can we? _

_ Love, _

_ Michael _

As Alex read, Michael pulled out the other item and fiddled with it. When Alex looked up, his eyes red and his cheeks wet, Michael held up the little black box. 

“Michael…”

“Don’t worry, I’m not proposing again,” he laughed lightly before setting it on the mantle over the fireplace. “It’s more a promise? I want that for us. But first, we need to figure out how to be together, here in Roswell. We’ve never tried that before.” Alex didn’t say anything. “I mean. If that’s something that you want, that is.” He licked his lips. “You asked me, before, what I wanted. I said I wanted to be happy but I didn’t know what that meant. Now I do. I want you. I want us.”

“I want us, too,” Alex finally said. “That’s- that’s all I want. But do you really think we can do that? Make that work? I mean, our track record isn’t great…”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe that I love you?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’ll make it work.”

“And if we don’t? I don’t want to destroy you, Michael. I can’t.”

“Then don’t.” Michael shrugged and took one step towards Alex. “Since when has Alex Manes ever done something he doesn’t want to do?”

Alex shrugged helplessly. “We aren’t easy, Michael. You want easy.”

“I do,” he acknowledged. “But easy is ultimately boring. I’d rather have more, with all the ups and downs, than be bored for one second.”

Alex stared at him, his eyes flitting between Michael’s own. “You’re sure about this? Because there’s no take backs. Not on this.”

Michael took another step. “I’m sure.”

Alex searched his face some more before nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“We take it slow,” Alex cautioned. “We go on dates and we figure out how to talk to each other so we’re not relying on letters for the rest of our lives,” he held up Michael’s letter before letting it fall to the coffee table. “Do you think we can do that?”

Michael took the last step. He could feel Alex’s breath on his face. “I’m looking forward to it.”

A brilliant smile spread across Alex’s face. “So am I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shoutout to Caitlin for being my sounding board and cheerleader. I swear I'd never get anything written if it weren't for her


End file.
